I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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