I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
