dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
