I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
