i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
