My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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