Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize