So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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