Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
