New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
