Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
