Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
