I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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