matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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