I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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