Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
