Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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