She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
