There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
