i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no, he came in my armpit
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
