its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
