i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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