hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
