dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
