Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
