in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
