So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
