I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
