Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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