and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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