well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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