After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
