did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
