It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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