I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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