So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
