Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
