It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize