There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize