There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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