I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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