If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm bleeding and have questions
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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