I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
