btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As shirtless as possible
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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