Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
