put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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