You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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