Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
