I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
