Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
