i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
