your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
