i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
