I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
