needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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