Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
