i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
