We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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