My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize