i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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