I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
