my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
