Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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