who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
