at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
